How and why do we create protective mechanisms? And finally, how does therapy help us to understand our secondary personality, often a source of suffering in adulthood?
Reconnecting with our deep selves, healing our wounds, (re)learning to love ourselves and others is a path that each of us can choose to take. But it often requires the humility to recognize that on this journey, we will need to be listened to, helped, and supported. Why can't I do it alone? Of course, it is possible to progress alone, but never underestimate the power and unparalleled creativity of our protective mechanisms.
These mechanisms and the associated resistances, often established in childhood and therefore deeply rooted, were created by our being to protect it. So let's salute our neuroses that were cleverly created to protect our integrity. The baby and child display a wealth of imagination and creativity to survive, be seen, be loved, maintain the bond... The child will thus test the mechanisms, postures, behaviors that work best with their environment depending on their personality, needs, and environment. The mechanisms thus established are reinforced unconsciously, become automatic, and will become what is called "their secondary personality".
A few brief examples of the development of the secondary personality
This is how the child who is not seen by their family will not feel that they exist in the eyes of the world. They will internalize that they do not really exist, that they do not matter. They may get into the habit of becoming invisible, doing everything not to be seen. Fading away, not inhabiting their body, not living in the real world, not entering into relationships will be part of their protective mechanisms (secondary personality); but not their deep desire, which is to want to enter and maintain the bond with others.
Or the child who is constantly interrupted, who is not given the space and time to express themselves within the family may get into the habit of speaking very fast, swallowing their words. The child who does not receive enough attention or affection can develop mechanisms to attract attention: always being sick, cute, turbulent...
Beyond the establishment of these neurotic protective mechanisms that allow the child to obtain (with more or less success) what they need, the child will also try to regulate their environment. In other words, the child will always try to heal the parent, take charge of their own emotions and those of the parent, and regulate the emotional climate of the family.
These protective mechanisms, which were necessary and adapted to the child's environment, become maladaptive in adulthood and can create suffering. The adult may feel disconnected from their true self, unable to express themselves authentically, unable to enter into relationships, or may experience anxiety, depression, and addictions.
This is where therapy can be helpful in helping the adult to understand and integrate their secondary personality, to reconnect with their true self and their deep desires, and to develop new and more adaptive coping mechanisms. Through the therapeutic relationship, the adult can feel seen, heard, and accepted, and can begin to develop the courage to express their authentic self and to establish healthy and fulfilling relationships.